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I feel like I am in one, right in the thick of it...not even the eye...because it's not calm.
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A song that hit me hard today:

You’re all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile and you turn your eyes away
C’mon, tell me what’s right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody’s talkin’
And there’s something here I’m supposed to realize
‘Cause your secret’s out, and the universe laughs at it’s joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, it’s a beautiful surprise

Chorus:
When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let’s rewind
C’mon, let’s go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin’
Well I guess it don’t matter now that I realize
‘Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right there before my eyes
You’re my beautiful surprise

Chorus:

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now we’ve got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that you’re looking at me
I’d better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love?

I've listened to this song like twenty times...and I just heard the lyrics today. I am the girl in this song...and I am still waiting for the guy to realize...hahaha...and think it was sitting on my couch eating wheat thins at 3am was when I fell in love with you...and I'm still waiting.

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Do you ever just want to say Take Me BACK!! I wasn't ready! I'm still not ready! Take me back to that place...please. I'm on my knees! I don't think I learned everything, I don't think I slowed down...it went too fast...and now I am here in this world and I feel so alone! We've all drifted to distance places...we are all different people now. Please. Just let us go back to that safety, that comfort. I can't tell you how much I just want to be lying on the floor in the Rehearsal room, with the hard wood pressed against my back, and the chill of the air conditioner that sends goosebumps up my skin, and the dim light, and the sound of everyone breathing softly, and brett's voice humming and telling us to walk down the beach, and just that overwhelming feeling that this is what Love is. These people in this room...this feeling...this is home. please...take me back...just for a day.
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I did this survey over 3 years ago,...funny thing is I was again waiting for my laundry...I am here until my laundry is done...so thought I would fill it in...

CURRENTLY
how old are you: 23
wearing: pajamas
listening to: Chris Rice
chewing: nothing
feeling: nostalgic
reading: Blue Like Jazz/Eat, Pray, Love
located: computer room
chatting: no one
watching: nothing
should really be: sleeping

HAVE YOU EVER
peed your pants: Im sure at some point when I was little
cheated on someone: no.
fallen off of the bed: yes more times then I care to say
fallen for a relative: ewww....nooo.
had plastic surgery: eck no.
failed a grade: nope.
had your heart broken: umm kind of.
had a dream come true: yes.
done something you regret: just a few...nothing I can't live with though. I was young and stupid.
cheated on a test: ummm yes...at some point...yes
been raped: no
Been Drunk: yes.
Had sex: nope.
Been proposed to: nope.
Gotten married: nope
Told a lie: uhh yeah
Cried: umm yes.
broken a body part: Yes. A finger, a toe, each wrist, my collar bone...

DO YOU
brush your teeth: all the time.
like anybody: yes.
have any piercing: nope
Any Tattoos: nope
drive: Yes...I miss my car...she has no a/c :(
believe in Santa Claus: it's a nice thing when you are young...sometimes I wish I still had that innocence.
ever get off the computer: yes

FRIENDS
who is your best girl friends: Jess, Kendall, Kaila-la
who is the loudest: Erika
who is the shyest: Jenny
who is the hottest: I have a lot of hot friends
who is the cutest: haha...what?
who laughs the most: my sister
who have you known the longest: Kendall & Kaila
who have you known the shortest: hrrmmmm
Who is your best guy friend/s: Andrew, Adam, Sam
Who do you talk to the most: Adam
do you hang out with a certain type: ummm...
do you hang out with the opposite sex: yes. I'm not 5!
do you trust your friends: yes
are you a good friend: I think so...I hope so!
can you keep a secret: yes.

THE LAST PERSON YOU
hugged: My grandma
kissed: oh dear god....I don't even remember
had sex with: negative
IMed: Adam...?
talked to on the phone: Kaila-la!
yelled at: errr...I haven't yelled in awhile
fell in love with:...
tripped: ??myself??

PERSONAL

what do you want to be: happy
what was the worst day of your life: umm there have certainly been a few of those
what is your most embarrassing story: I have a lot.
when has been the best day of my life: there's a lot. Disneyland Trip with my Siblings was pretty incredible.
what comes first in your life: God and my family.
do you have a boyfriend: nope
if you had an extra set of eyes where would you put them: umm thats wierd
what do you usually think about before you go to bed: everything...my mind goes crazy.

FAVORITE
movie: Any old classics, musicals, and good dramas oh and romantic comedies
song of the moment: What a Heart is BEating for
group of the moment: The BEatles!
store: Target.
sport: BASEBALL
vacation spot: Germany!
ice cream flavor: peanut butter and chocolate
fruit: Peaches or Strawberries...or Watermelon...hmmm so many!!
candy: anything CHOCOLATE!
holiday: Christmas.
day of the week: Sunday
Color: Purple or Blue
magazine: hrmmm...
name of a girl: Riley
name of a boy: Tristan, Joseph, and Elijah
relatives: my sister and my brother
like to give hugs: yeS! they are the best!
Like to dance: yes.
like to walk in the rain: YES!! Love it!!
sleep with or without clothes on: on..please!
Sleep with an animal: not anymore.
prefer black or blue pens: black
dress up on Halloween: not usually
have a job: part time at a PT office and the church
like to travel: yes
like someone: ohh yes
sleep on your side, tummy, or back: my side.
want to marry: someday.
have a goldfish: no
ever have the fallen dream: yeah
have stuffed animals: yes.
go on vacation: yes

THIS OR THAT
single or taken: single
simple or complicated: simple is good...but I make things complicated because I am an insecure perfectionist
law or anarchy: law
mtv or bet: mtv
sugar or salt: sugar
silver or gold: well most of my jewelry is silver
color or black and white photos: ohhh BLACK AND WHITE!! I love them!
sunrise or sunset: Arizona Sunsets and Spain Sunrises :)
rap or rock: rock
stay up late or sleep in: stay up late..hello...do I ever sleep :)
TV or radio: Radio
hot or cold: warm/hot
sun or moon: moon
left or right: right
10 acquaintances or one best friend: best friend.
cat or dog: dogs!
half empty or half full: half full
mustard or ketchup: ewww...gross...no me gusta
newspaper or magazine: newspaper
spring or fall: spring and Fall!
give or receive: give
rain or snow: rain
happy or sad: happy
wonder or amazement: amazement
McDonalds or burger king: bleh
Mexican or Italian food: Mexican!!
lights on or off: off
duct tape or scotch tape: duct tape
candy or soda: Candy...well okay Diet Coke :)
a house in the woods or city: a pretty house out in the woods...but they have to be not Scary creepy woods...pretty woods :)
something cool about yourself: something cool? umm I have the best family!
who was the freek that sent this to you?? haha...I don't remember

Wohooo...I think my laundry is done...YAY CLEAN CLOTHES & SHEETS!!

OH SO TIRED>>
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I think one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves is look back and make sure we don't forget where we have come from.
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I left my heart in Colorado...and I don't neccesarily want it back because I am fine with where it's at...I just want to be in Colorado too. Seriously.

I'm going to go make a cake at 5:30am...because if I can't sleep...why not bake a cake...right?

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I'm falling in love with this world again, this strange quaint little world, that I never thought I could. There was so much damage, and I finally feel like it's starting to heal, or that maybe enough time has passed that the sand is starting to cover the hurt, and soften the pain. I've spent an entire week in my house by myself, and it feels perfect, there is no sadness, just knowing that the future is bright. I want rain, and warmth, and smiles, and hugs, and laughter, and cool splashes of water, and love, and uncertainty, and it will come, it is. and this hurt is fading. and it feels good. These patterns are still vibrant, but not violent. Not hateful or spiteful, just challenging.
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When did i become unloveable. school is on the brain. need to tell my grandmothers story. still not over grandpa. or ready for that adult idea. standards are too high. dissapointed. not going to lie. seriosly...dissapointed. and need to sleep.
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Two funerals (yes...two) plus Eight hours of work=a very very tired and emotionally drained Ashley.

It's been a long week.

I think I want to write a one woman show.

I also think I want to buy a house.

and go back to school...

Just some thoughts...none of which are really valid after a day like today...but maybe tomorrow...

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Gas Prices are ridiculous. Global Warming Scares me. Our world is scaring me. Politics are out of control.

It's been almost 10 years. I think it's high time I get back on the bike.

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I really must just wear my heart on my sleeve. Why didn't some warn me!? If everyone knew I was going to feel like this, WHY didn't someone say something! It should NOT hurt this much. Why does my heart hurt so bad? It's not goodbye...I know...but he's my...light.
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In a very unusual way, you made me whole...
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I am officially declaring today "What the Fuck Traffic Day"

Seriously.

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I deleted Big...Delete. Delete. Delete.

Sometimes life makes complete sense...and other times...not at all.

I just realized that the show I am Manager on Duty for at work, is Lila Downs....yes. the same Lila Downs who provided most of the vocal work for the FRIDA soundtrack....umm seriously. I flipped out when I realized that today. She is FUCKING Amazing! Amazing!! Yay! Yay. Yay! now if Marie and Candra could be here with me, that would make it all more AMAZING.

Jamie Cullum=so soon.

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Baseball is just what I needed to cheer me up, Not that cookie dough I just consumed. I should not ever be allowed to open the fridge when i am upset.
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I just a very 'Sliding Doors' moment, but it ended in a complete Rainbow over South Mountain, and it was breathtaking.
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I just realized that at the rate I am going...I'm going to be in debt for the next 10 years! Fuck You Student Loans...Something needs to change...Looks Like I'll be workig a bit more...I hate debt. Let's see how fast we can get this out of my hands...1.2.3. Go!
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Clean Sheets. New Beginnings. Reminding myself not to settle. Jamie Cullum. Mexico. Weddings. Babies. Grumpy. Smiles. Laughter on the Roof. Fresh Air. Windows Down. Belting. Hearts hurting. Breathing. Happy Endings. Right Moments. New hope. Not giving up. Parents. Knowing it's okay to cry. Shock. Too Soon. Not allowed. Wishing you were here. Perfect Nights. Thoughts. Dreams. Not functioning. Keep Going. Summer. You Can't Take it With You.
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God Bless my physical therapist and Sherrie Renee Scott.

Thank you for kicking my ass, and singing in the range that I can sing my little heart out to.

Funny. I just, need to get there....I am going to go crazy.

Got to love changing in a parking lot.

Long weeks.

Random Yays!

Thank God for good hugs & Best Friends.

Some things are not allowed....

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Why am I so attracted to talent? Damn't, it gets me every time. Every TIME! Sing me a song your wrote? What? my heart just melted.
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